A Work In Progress--That I Am

Yesterday I woke up joyful, and happy.  I was ready to take on the world.  My spirits were high! And then life happened and it 

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I found myself completely out of patience and turning into "raging maniac mom".  Mommas, as much as we all hate to admit it you know what I mean.  That mom who cannot see the forest for the trees. That mom who has decided all toys MUST be picked up RIGHT NOW while homework is simultaneously being done, the toilets are being cleaned, and you pat your head and rub your stomach then rub your head and pat your stomach all at the same time and "you have about 30 seconds to get it done"!   Yes.  I found myself there.  And I felt horrible.  No, I didn't physically harm my children or anything that drastic but was I a shining example to them?  Nope. Not even a little bit.  

About 10 minutes into my fit I realized what I was doing.  I took a deep breath, called my children in, and apologized. I explained what I was really upset about and was then rewarded with kisses and hugs from them.  Truth is, that entire fit came from fear. My youngest was struggling with potty training and we were 26 hours into a battle over bowel movements, or lack thereof as she held it and refused to use the potty.  I was afraid she would wind up with issues like my oldest daughter, who did the same thing only to the extreme and wound up with some pretty serious kidney and bowel issues as a result.  I lacked wisdom.  I wasn't sure how much further to push the issue and at what point I should relent. I was taking my fear and frustration out in a totally unrelated area just so I could feel like I had some sort of control over something--anything. As it turns out, my fears were unfounded.  My sweetpea did eventually use the potty. Potty training complete.  My guilt from my fit, however, was not complete. It was eating away at me as I inwardly kicked myself for being such a poor example to my children.  I mean, really, the only part I left out was throwing myself on the floor and kicking my feet. Epic fail yet again.

During the potty training process I had promised my youngest the moon.  Now it was time to make good on every one of those promises so we hopped in the car and drove to the first of several destinations.  Our first stop was at the local second hand store where my youngest had $4.00 to pick out anything she wanted. She chose a toddler ride-on toy with a handle that I could use to push her and the cost was only $3.00. She was elated.  I gave her the cash and allowed her to pay for it by herself before placing my own items up on the counter.  The cashier, a sweet, grandmother-type lady, began to pleasantly chat as she rang up my items and we discussed why there was a reward taking place. Upon further questioning from her I confirmed that my oldest was also receiving special gifts and treats because she had been such  great help in the potty training process with her little sister.  Then the cashier said something that struck me to the core.  "You're a good mom."  Good mom?  I instantly began to think back just a few hours earlier with my fit.  I was so ashamed I could not even raise my eyes to look at her.  I said, "I don't feel like a good mom. I just had the world's biggest adult temper tantrum. It was awful and I had to apologize to my children." Then she said something that changed the course of the rest of my day. She laughed and said, "Oh, we all do that. Each of us has our days. What's important is that you apologized to your girls. That's a very good example to them and something that should be taught".  Her words were so simple, yet they struck a chord deep in my soul.  I instantly thought of the apostle Paul.

 
This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief (1 Timothy 1:15 KJV).

"Of whom I am chief".  Oh buddy and boy-howdy am I!  I feel like Paul--I am chief.  With that said, however, I can say that Paul (originally known as Saul) is my favorite example of being changed from the inside out.  He was a man who slaughtered innocent Christians.  His goal and joy came in arresting those who taught the ways of Christ.  That is where he came from. That is who he was. Who he was.  Once he dedicated his life to Christ he was a changed man.  The Lord changed him from the inside out, and used him in a powerful and mighty way.  And Paul suffered for his faith, and he suffered for his growth.  Perhaps I need to suffer for my growth as well. Perhaps that is why I was so pained yesterday and so torn.  Perhaps the Holy Spirit was working in refinement. I think "yes".  I also think the Lord placed that lovely lady in my path to remind me that I am a work in progress and to just keep persevering.  I leave you this morning with these words:

"Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality." Romans 12: 9-13

How is your walk in Christ today my friend? If you haven't read your Bible today open it up and take a moment to gain wisdom and insight from the Lord. 

May the Lord bless you with a wonderful day, and may He shower blessings on you and work in your refinement as well.  Praise Him, thank Him, and love Him.