How God Provided

This morning as I scrolled through Facebook I enjoyed looking at all the happy photos of children returning back to school.  The proud parents, the happy kids; all excited to be returning and seeing their friends while meeting their new teachers.  This naturally led me to reflect on our homeschool, and the ways in which the Lord has provided over and over again in the last year.

Many people know we homeschool, however, I am still frequently asked why. It's a natural question, and not one that I take offense to--even when they are opposed to the idea.  Our reasons are numerous:  We felt Alyssa needed one-on-one attention. There were issues with her ability to focus that I understood all too well and wanted to help her with.  She was being bullied.  It was mild and nothing horrific or over the top, but she would not stand up for herself. She was being exposed to worldly ideas and mannerisms that we did not approve of and we wanted exclusive time with her to teach her the ways of God and discretion. But none of our reasons mattered, because ultimately this was God's decision. Not ours. God led us to homeschool.  This was His idea and to be honest, prior to the Lord placing it upon my heart to homeschool, I was far too selfish and lazy to consider such a thing.  But He did, and Brad and I made the decision to walk in obedience and to trust God's plan for our family.

With that said, looking back over the last year I can clearly see God's hand in all that we have done.  Once we made the decision to homeschool, there was little time left to research and prepare before the public school system started their new year. There was much to do and little time to do it in! I was scared to death. I have a college degree, and I have experience teaching elementary children on a small scale, yet I had no clue how to actually teach my child all that she would need to learn.  The idea was horrifying and scary but God whispered to my heart, "I've got this. Stop worrying."  I chose to dive in head first in my researching, gathering up every book I could get my hands on that encouraged and instructed the homeschooling mother.  I spent hours pouring over the books, comparing curriculum, and deciding what would be the best fit for our situation. Within weeks there was a solid plan in place. Curriculum was purchased, guidance had been provided by a homeschool academy, and friends were coming out of the woodwork who were homeschool parents. I had no idea I knew so many homeschoolers!

The year began well and we fell into a routine, however, by mid January we began to hit some bumps in the road. Our curriculum wasn't working well. Alyssa wasn't retaining information the way I had hoped, and she hated the books we were using. Daily battles ensued. That's a scary thing to a homeschool parent who is trying to instill a love of learning in their child.  I didn't know what to do. God said, "I've got this. Stop worrying".  I calmed myself, and then reached out to those with homeschooling expertise.  Immediately someone suggested an online homeschooling program that had all 180 days planned out.  A comprehensive, free program that included spelling, grammar, math, logic, science, history, Bible, PE, music, and art.  I immediately tossed the books aside and plopped my child in front of the computer.  The result was nothing short of astonishing. I watched her go from hating homeschool lessons, to begging for more.  We discovered that she had an unknown passion for ancient history, and her love of science grew daily.  Grammar and spelling practice was no longer a battle.  The Lord had answered by showing us exactly the resource we needed!  I was so relieved.

In March we were still chugging along with our online schooling. All was going well, however, I still wanted to purchase some physical curriculum for the upcoming year.  The plan was to set back some money from our tax return for the purchase of those items, however, it did not work out that way.  Ellie had a second procedure on her foot, and as the medical bills came pouring in from the first and subsequent surgery, the tax return dwindled to nothing.  We had a $0 budget for the upcoming year.

The easy answer would have been to simply remain exclusive with our free, online program.  I felt that more was needed though.  Alyssa needed additional math practice for reinforcement, and additional grammar practice simply because I felt she had the potential to go farther. Additionally, there will be those days of unexpected internet problems and/or power outages. Having a few physical books on hand would ensure we could do school for the day.  She clearly needed some physical books, and I couldn't even figure out how to pay the medical bills much less find money for extra books.

Quickly, the Lord began to respond to my concerns and said, "I've got this. Stop worrying."  First He provided the desired math set, the one I just knew would be the ultimate fit for her learning style. Normally the books cost $18 each, and we needed at least the first 7 in the series to get our year going.  Even looking online for used prices I could not find them for less than $13 a book. This was too far outside of our financial ability.  Then one day, a local woman offered to sell me her 7 book set for $5 a piece.  I jumped at the opportunity and quickly raced to meet her.  We dove into the first book that evening and Alyssa began to grow in her comprehension by leaps and bounds.  Math terms we had already discussed with our previous curriculum that had been long-since forgotten were suddenly being used in her everyday vocabulary.

Our next issue involved grammar.  I really felt convicted on the fact that she needed more than she was receiving. There was untapped potential in her, just waiting to be exposed, but it was going to take a very unique approach to learning.  I began to research and found an absolute perfect match for her learning style, but again, even the used prices were far outside of my financial ability.  Again, the Lord responded, "I've got this. Stop worrying".  Once again I put my feelers out to a homeschool support group and someone suggested I contact The Book Samaritan.  The Book Samaritan is a church in Oklahoma that provides free curriculum based on what has been donated and is physically available in their stock. I quickly mailed them a letter asking for a specific book from our curriculum of choice, but also asked that they pray on it and let the Lord guide them in what He felt would be the best grammar curriculum for my child.  I prayed for God's guidance in their choice as we patiently waited 6 weeks for a response. Finally, in late June, a package arrived from The Book Samaritan. Alyssa and I were both so nervous and excited we were shaking.  I opened the box and immediately saw the very book I had requested, along with several children's books for Alyssa to enjoy. We both screamed in delight.  Once again, the Lord provided not only what we needed, but what our heart's desired. We began reading our new grammar book immediately and I delighted in Alyssa's growth. She began absorbing grammar like a sponge, and is now well above a 3rd grade level in her comprehension of grammar rules.

As we have progressed into our year we have hit more road bumps, but each time the Lord has provided--gently reaching His hand down and placing just the right people in our path to help. We've received assistance in new teaching approaches when hitting a road block in a new concept, we've received additional resources, made new friends to help in our journey, and Brad even received a bonus just in time for Alyssa's birthday to help put a dent in the medical bills and pay for a nice birthday gift.

I still do not know exactly what the future holds. I have no idea how long the Lord intends for me to homeschool, but I will be ready and willing no matter what His plan is.  I'm learning to stop fretting over the remaining medical bills and to just trust that God will provide in whatever way He sees fit.  I've learned to be happy with what we have, and to recognize the daily blessings.  God is all around us. He is continually helping, guiding, directing, and loving us.  Sometimes it's harder to see this in the little things, but if we keep our eyes and hearts open, we'll clearly see His hand in all we do.

If you feel the Lord calling you to homeschool, feel free to reach out to me.  I'll help in any way I can.  Homeschool is not a good fit for everyone, just as public school is not a good fit for everyone. There is no right or wrong answer--God is the only one who knows which option is best for your family.   If you're interested in the free, online curriculum we are using (which is also great for augmenting at home if you have a child in public school) the web address is Easy Peasy All In One Homeschool

 By the way, here's our back-to-school photo. :)  Thank you for reading my blog, and have a blessed day! 

 

Perception vs Reality

Recently I set up a date with a girlfriend to discuss homeschool. She needed some help and advice and wanted to pick my brain.  I'm always open to sharing what I know; even if it's very little. (HAHA!)  I settled myself into a booth at the restaurant and basked in the quiet moments of being out and about without the kiddos.  Once she arrived, we enjoyed a few moments of chit-chat before diving into the topics of discussion.  What she said next caused me to pause and reflect a moment. In a nutshell, she stated that she would like to be able to manage the household and homeschooling the way I do.  My initial thought was "I don't manage well at all" and the first words out of my mouth were "my house is a wreck, all the time!"  

This conversation has caused me to stop and consider her words many times over the past few days.  Not too long ago I read an article from a homeschool mom about the importance of keeping it real, and not sharing only the good stuff because it gives the new homeschool moms, and other moms in general, the idea that you are doing everything well. It sets them up to believe they are failures in their own quest to homeschool because the perception is not their reality.  I realized that through my Facebook posts and blog, I might be giving the perception that I have it all together, when in fact, I don't.  This, of course, is not intentional.  I believe that what I say, and what I post, should be positive and edifying--if it is not then I shouldn't say anything at all.  

Ephesians 4:29

 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

 

I try to stick to that. I do fail at times and I believe the world gets a glimpse of my reality, but on average, I try to remain positive at all times and make an effort to control my tongue in my daily life.  Today, however, I choose to share the negative realities in the hopes that it might actually edify someone else. My many daily failures, my fears, and my anxieties are yours to view.

I guess the best place to begin is homeschool.  Oh my, this is a scary topic for me! I don't want people to know where I struggle but if I'm being honest, that's due to my own pride.  So here we go..... Reality #1:  I do not always succeed in my homeschool.  I do, in fact, fail over and over again.  Whew! There, I said it.  I fail.  That's a terrifying concept to all homeschool parents and it's what we fear most.  When we fail, our child's education suffers, even if it's just for a brief moment in time as we scrape ourselves off the floor determined to find a solution to the struggle.  Our current struggle is in math. Alyssa can do addition like nobody's business, and can do simple subtraction as well.  Subtraction with regrouping, however, is a whole other story.  We've been working on it since May. I have taught her from our Saxon curriculum where the book tells you "say this, do this, write this" word for word to assist in the teaching process.  She didn't understand.  I've found online games reinforcing the concept, taught her from the board, drew pictures, and sang songs.  She still didn't understand.  We've watched videos and tutorials online of other teachers presenting the concept along with cartoon videos explaining the "how" and "why" of regrouping. She still didn't understand.  Her father has done board work with her, explained it to her, coached her through it and spent time working with her and she still doesn't understand.  In a homeschool parent this is cause for panic.  For 3 months she has struggled and is still not learning this basic concept.  Today we start fresh and will be using simple manipulatives, tossing the worksheets aside, and just working on the "how" and "why". I should say, "working on the 'how' and 'why' again."   I'm hoping and praying this will click and be mastered by October when we need to begin multiplication. I have a timeline for her learning and it is difficult for me to let go and deviate from it.  For now though, I have to scrape myself off the ground each morning and refresh my mind, expelling the negative thoughts about my teaching ability and reminding myself that God called me to homeschool, and therefore God will equip me.  She's simply not ready for the concept yet and needs more time.

That's just one area of "failure" in our homeschool.  It's a big one (to me) but is just one reality of daily issues.  There are, indeed, daily issues. There are days when she won't cooperate.  Days when it takes hours to complete a subject that could have been finished in 30 minutes.  Days when Alyssa is more than willing to learn and work, but cannot focus because her little sister is in the middle of a meltdown and I'm being torn in two different directions trying to balance my time between both children.  Then, of course, the biggest failure of all--realizing my children have been pleading for my attention all day while I'm consumed with distractions.  They don't want my homeschool attention, the want me--plugged in and engaged. Yesterday was one of those days.  I realized after going to bed last night that they had been begging for some quality time with me throughout the day and did not get it.  What they got was a frazzled, stressed out, anxiety fill mom who was overwhelmed by the volume of tasks ahead.  I wasn't living in the present.  I was focusing on future events that haven't even taken place yet.  Epic fail. Today I will need to do something different, and it may require easing off the "traditional" learning and just providing a day of fun interaction.  This goes against every fiber of my being because what I want to do is drill subtraction. What my child, and both children for that matter, need me to do is entirely different though. But then again, that's the joy of homeschooling. Flexibility and starting fresh daily with new lesson plans and new approaches, which brings me to the next reality.

Reality #2:  I lose my temper with my children on a daily, hourly, basis.  I raise my voice when I should be showing grace.  I get frustrated and lose my patience.  I give up too often and throw my hands up in despair. I fail as a mom over, and over, and over again.  There are days when Ellie is screaming in a rage over something trivial, and Alyssa is rebellious and argumentative, and I'm focused on issues with the bills or household chores and planning, and I simply walk out of the room and have a pity party for a few moments. Those are the days when even my own perception of my life does not fit reality.  Reality is that I am blessed.  I am blessed with the opportunity to educate my child. I am blessed to have both of my children at home with me each day. I am blessed to be a stay at home mom.  I forget though--especially on those rough days and lately they seem to be the rule rather than the exception as both girls mature developmentally and test their boundaries of independence.

Reality #3:  My house is anything but "Suzy Homemaker's" house.  It is, in fact, a mess 99% of the time.  The dining room looks as if a curriculum fair threw up in it.  The living room is scattered with land mines toys that never seem to remain in the toy boxes for more than 3 seconds.  My bathroom needs to be scrubbed, the kitchen floors are begging for a good mopping, and let's not even get started on the laundry. ACK!  I've named it "Mt. Ferrell" as it has taken on a life of its own.  When it comes to housekeeping, the only thing I seem to be good at is not getting it done.

So there you have it.  My reality vs perception.  I mess up daily in homeschool, I lose my temper and raise my voice when I should be extending grace, my house is in a continuous state of chaos, and I fail daily.   I. Am. A. Mess.

There is, however, one other reality.  Reality #4:  I start over each day because the Lord has extended me grace.  He whispers to me throughout the day, gently nudging me in the right direction and speaking to my heart about the things I need to change.  My patience with my children can be improved upon, and my reaction to their meltdowns can be better.  My fear of failing homeschool is unfounded.  The Lord called me to homeschool. He would not give me a task and then set me up for failure. We have already succeeded in our homeschool education, we just can't see it yet.  The house, well, it's not that important. The children are in a safe environment. It's clean enough to be safe and perhaps, for now, I need to lower my standards a bit.  As the kiddos get older the mess and chaos will improve and they will be able to help with more of the chores.  For now, it's really not important.  Their safety, well being, and health is all that matters when it comes to the house.

I'm sure I am not the only mom out there who fails each day.  I'm certain we all do to varying degrees!  What's important is starting fresh each morning by praying, getting into God's Word, and setting our hearts and mind on Him.  As long as we continue doing that, we will continue fighting the good fight and will eventually win the race. Persevere mom! Persevere! :)

Galations 6:9

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 

 

Never Alone

I've been debating on what to write over the past couple of days, and praying on it as well.  Yesterday I thought I knew what I wanted to write, but after much prayer, decided to just "be still" and write nothing.  This morning I woke up with a clarity and knew what today's topic should be.  A testimony.  A very personal testimony, and one I've only shared publicly once before.  It's time to share again.

In 1998 I was stationed at 8th Army in Yongsan, Korea.  I had been there for nearly 2 years, and life was not going according to plan.  In fact, my life was in shambles. I am embarrassed to admit this, but even though I had been raised a Christian, my actions were anything but Christ-like.  I had not set foot in a church for many years. I rarely prayed. My days and evenings had been spent partying and God was not even on my radar. It's no wonder then, that I had been suffering from depression for many months, and as the days passed, my depression grew deeper until one evening in late fall I hit rock bottom.  

Our Unit was in the middle of training, and each individual was required to pull guard duty for our "make believe war". Unfortunately for me, I was chosen to do a late night duty.   That evening, I found myself stationed alone at a remote guard post.  It was cold out and the temps were hovering around 45 degrees.  Not a soul was within shouting distance and most of the soldiers on the base were already asleep and in bed.  I sat down on the hard, freezing ground, and reflected on where my life was going.  I stared at an ant as it randomly ran along the ground and thought, "I'm no better than this ant.  I'm just a tiny, insignificant part of life--no better and no more valuable than this worthless ant." The depression became so strong I could barely complete a thought after that.  All I felt capable of doing was breathing in, and breathing out. I was simply existing.  My mind went blank and I stared into the darkness for an unknown amount of time until our SSG came by and told me to go back to the Unit Hall for a short break.  

As I began to walk down the sidewalk toward the Unit Hall, I noticed a bush nearby.  I stopped in amazement when I saw a beautiful, pink rose in full bloom.  I took a moment to examine it.  I noticed the soft, pink petals. The perfect, glorious bloom and reflected in wonder at how this amazing flower could even exist in the cold, out of season weather.  I thought to myself, "I know exactly how this flower feels. It's alone. It is unnoticed. No one cares or even realizes that this flower exists.  Just like me." I continued to the office, grabbed a drink, and placed myself in front of the television---hearing and seeing nothing. I stared into space and again just focused on existing. Breathe in, breathe out.

A few minutes later the door opened, and I was mildly surprised to see Sgt. Christian (or at least I think that was his name, if memory serves me right) walk into the room.  I didn't know him very well---we'd not really spent time together.  I knew that he had spent a year in Korea away from his family, and the Unit had said their goodbyes earlier in the day.  He was leaving on a plane back to the United States in the morning but was spending the night at the luxury Dragon Hotel a few miles down the road where all soldiers stay prior to departure from the country.  It's something each of us looked forward to at the end of our journey in Korea.

Sgt. Christian pulled up a chair, sat down near me, and began to make idle chit-chat.  I'm certain I wasn't very good company. I answered his questions, but made no effort to continue the conversation further. I didn't want to be bothered--especially by someone I didn't know. I didn't have the energy to be polite and carry on a two-way conversation. I just wanted to be left alone in my misery. After a few awkward moments he surprised me by saying, "I'm really not sure why I'm down here.  You see, I was in my bed watching TV, completely comfortable and content when I felt God telling me to come down to the Unit. I'll be honest, I argued with Him for at least 30 minutes. I was comfortable, it's cold outside, and I didn't feel like walking 2 miles in the cold. There aren't even any taxi's running at this time of night!  I explained all of this to God, but He kept repeating to me to get out of bed and walk down here.  So here I am.  I didn't know who I was supposed to see, or what I was supposed to do until I walked in and saw you.  I think the message I am supposed to bring is for you. The message I was sent to share is that 'you are not alone. You are not forgotten. God sees you and He cares about you.' "  

I know we spoke a little more after that, but honestly, I don't remember what else was said.  I just know it was brief, and moments later the SSG returned to send me back to my guard post.  As I walked out of the room I heard the SSG exclaiming to Sgt Christian, "What are YOU doing here?!  Shouldn't you be getting ready to go home in the morning?!"   I left and began my trek back down the street.

As I walked, I reflected on what had been said.  Was it really possible that God noticed me?  Was it really possible that I wasn't insignificant? That I mattered to Him?  I continued walking, but suddenly felt a bit lighter.  A warmth was growing inside of me. It was almost as if a light was growing from the inside out. My shoulders didn't feel as heavy, my steps easier, and my mind was beginning to clear. The fog was lifting. As I walked by the rose bush again I stopped, and my jaw dropped as I gawked in amazement.  Next to the previous rose, was a second, equally beautiful rose in full bloom.  I thought, "How did I miss that?  They are side by side and I stood here looking for several moments and never saw it!  How on earth did I not see the second rose?!"   It was at that moment that the Lord spoke to my heart.  He said, "Just like the rose, you were never alone. I've been here all along, just waiting for you to see me."   The Great God of the Universe had gone out of His way to ensure I got the message, and that night I heard it loud and clear.

I never saw Sgt Christian again, but I have not forgot that night.  It was a turning point in my life and his obedience to God had more of an impact than he'll likely ever know.  I've been through some rough times, and I've been through depression many times since, but never have I felt alone and forgotten. I can always reflect on the memory of Korea and be reassured that I am not alone. I am significant, and I am loved.

As the years have passed, my strength in the Lord has grown.  There's always room for more growth, but I praise Him that by His mercy and grace I am no longer the woman I used to be.

I feel confident there is someone out there reading this blog who needed this reminder of their value and significance.  If that's you, just know that there is a message coming through loud and clear--- You are not alone.  Our Great God, Creator of the Universe, Creator of Life, Abba Father, cares about you.  He notices you. He loves you. You matter.  Even when you are not seeking Him, He is pursuing you.  Talk to Him.

Romans 8:37-39 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Choosing an attitude of grace

Today I learned the importance of starting my day off with quiet time and prayer.  When I sat down for my quiet time this morning to read my Bible and devotions, I had no idea just how badly I would need to repeat the scriptures to myself throughout the day!

My day was planned. Every moment, of every hour planned ahead on a schedule, with wiggle room to spare.  Sometimes though, God knows otherwise. *giggle*  What I encountered was a day where nothing went according to plan, and everything was chaos and disorder!  Ever have one of those days, where nothing seems to be going right?

It all began with the morning routine. After my Bible reading I realized I was behind schedule. No problem. I could rearrange the schedule a bit.  Homeschool began on time, but I quickly realized that I'd not allotted enough time to complete all the lessons before leaving for Ellie's morning therapy.  I decided to just "roll with it", do what we could, and take some of it with us for Alyssa to complete while Ellie was busy with her Physical Therapist.  Unfortunately, Alyssa decided to begin her day with a lousy attitude and a rebellious tongue, so lesson plans were temporarily set aside while she did an "extra assignment" of copy work from the board about respecting her mother. :)  Still, the day wasn't going too bad. She began to cooperate after her lengthy writing assignment and we soon made our way through Math, History, Bible, and Language Arts.  I packed up her Science lesson to take with us and we left for Ellie's therapy.

When we arrived at therapy our situation quickly began to go downhill.  The therapist had not arrived yet--our therapy is in a heated pool at a senior center--so I dressed Ellie in her bathing suit and swim diaper, then took her to a set of stairs inside the facility to practice climbing up and down. It's one of her favorite activities and while it raises my blood pressure, it's good for her.  After one trip up and down the steps an employee stepped out and asked us to leave the area. She apologized and stated that the elderly were having Yoga class, and there was a problem with the air conditioning so they could not close the doors to the room just outside the stairs. We were disrupting their class.  If I'm being completely honest, I was highly annoyed at that moment.  I knew Ellie would go into meltdown since she was already tired and needing a nap.  I remembered my quiet time this morning though, and felt the Lord whispering to my heart, "It's not about you. This is not an unreasonable request and this lady was very kind in her request for you to leave the area".  I made the choice to plant a smile on my face, and not let the ensuing tantrum phase me.  Soon after, the therapist arrived and Ellie was taken to the pool area, while Alyssa and I located a quiet place where she could work on her assignment.

The next hour was a scramble to complete the lesson plan in between multiple trips into the pool area to address an obstinate, rebellious, and tired toddler who did not want to follow the rules.  We did manage to complete our lesson though, and even had a little fun in the process!  For those of you who are local, feel free to ask Alyssa about a few characteristics of mammals or reptiles.  

Once pool time was over, we began to run into issues again.  As I took Ellie into the locker room to dry her off and change into her clothes, I was surprised to find a large curtain pulled and sectioning off the locker area.  More specifically, the large, padded area where I lay Ellie down to put on her diaper and clothing was blocked by the curtain. The same lady who had previously asked me to relocate popped her head in the locker room to inform me that there was a gentleman on the other side of the curtain.  We could not use that area of the locker room.  Again I began to get annoyed.  I thought, "a MAN in the locker room?  WHY!  Well that's just great.  How am I going to get her dried off safely and changed?"  This was a problem because the floors are extremely slippery, and Ellie has previously fallen many times in her own pool of dripping water.  Again, I felt God whisper to my heart, "You may not know the reason why there is a man in the room, but you need to calm down and work with the current situation".  I took a deep breath, chose to let go of the annoyance, and laid Ellie tenderly down on a narrow bench while I reassured her that she wouldn't fall.  I managed to get her shorts, diaper, and shoes on but then realized her shirt was missing. It must have fallen out of the bag previously when I changed her into her swimsuit........at the padded area..........behind the curtain.  I sent Alyssa into the hallway to double check that it had not fallen out of the bag while we were doing school and then held Ellie while I tried to figure out a plan. A few moments later a nurse appeared from around the curtain, pushing a very elderly, wheelchair-bound man on his way to the pool for therapy.  I could almost feel the Lord poking me saying, "See?  His nurse couldn't help him dress in the men's dressing room. She needed this room in order to help him, and HE NEEDS this therapy".  We were able to access the other side of the room then and found Ellie's shirt right away.  I finished dressing her, packed the girls up, and loaded them into the car.

By now my mind was racing ahead.  "I need to go to the DMV for Brad's car tags.  I need to go to the grocery store to purchase meat for the next 2 weeks so I can plan out the menu.  We still have one more science assignment to finish. The house needs to be cleaned. It's Wednesday, that means I have the kids at church to watch. Supper needs to be started early so we can leave on time."  Just as I finished ticking off my mental list, both girls announced they were hungry.  LUNCH!  I quickly referenced my Home Management Planner.  Yep, I forgot to schedule in lunch today. *forehead smack*  I took a deep breath and decided it was OKAY to alter the plans. Obviously, the girls needed to eat and I was pretty famished myself.  Grocery shopping on an empty stomach is a bad idea anyways.  We drove home and ran inside to eat a quick lunch.  Thirty minutes later we were back in the car and on our way to the DMV.  Tick tock, tick tock---I could hear the minutes ticking away.  I arrived at the DMV and was discouraged when I took one of the last parking spaces available.  There's going to be a wait. Tick tock, tick tock.  Again I heard God whisper, "Calm down".  I took a deep breath, strapped my protesting, tired toddler into a stroller, and walked inside the DMV to take my place in line.  I was pleasantly surprised to find that the line wasn't as long as I'd feared.  I sensed trouble though.  One employee behind the counter was available, however, as I took my place at the end of the counter (I did not want to presume she was available or ready for me) she began to give me dirty looks. She scowled, looked my way and frowned as she looked back at her printer. She looked at me again and I could almost read her thoughts, "do NOT come over here".  Instead of being sinful, prideful, and selfish I chose to extend grace and compassion.  It's the last day of the month. She's probably had a very busy day with many cranky customers renewing their tags.  Soon after, she shouted, "NEXT!" and I proceeded to her station with both girls in tow.  I handed my envelope with registration information to her and began to dig out my checkbook as I said, "I need to renew our car tags please, and I LOVE your new office! It's so spacious!  I'll bet it's a relief to have more space to work in isn't it?"  The change in her demeanor was instant.  She straightened up in her chair, beamed from ear to ear, and said, "Yes it is! We just love it!  It's so nice to have this extra room in here".  Suddenly, she frowned again and said, "Oh no.  Again?" She shook her head and said, "Computer issues. They've been happening all day".  Oh! So that's the problem! She's been slammed with customers and dealing with a slow computer all day. I could hear God's voice saying, "See? It's not about you".  I smiled and said, "That's okay.  I'll just write the check while we wait on it, I didn't have it ready yet anyways".  I could visibly see the relief as she thanked me and handed me a stamp to address the check.  Moments later the computer corrected and within 5 minutes I was on my way out the door.  I loaded the girls in the car, packed the stroller back in the trunk, and drove to the grocery store in hopes of finding the next 15 day's worth of meat on clearance.

When I arrived at the store I grabbed a shopping cart from the cart corral to make the trip inside easier with the girls. Ellie, still in need of a nap, began to scream and protest being placed in a cart.  And wouldn't you know, I chose a cart with a broken strap. *sigh*  "Perfect", I thought, "I'm going to have to keep a close eye on Ellie so she doesn't try to stand up".  (and yes, I know I could have found another cart but often find this particular store has issues with missing buckles) I chose to keep the cart I was using.  When I got inside the store I heard that whisper again, this time advising me to sanitize the cart.  I stopped in the doorway, grabbed a wipe, and wiped down the handles, sides, and every part of the cart within Ellie's reach.  We worked our way to the back of the store where the meat is located, and I went into "scanning mode", looking for those lovely pink stickers that indicate clearance meat.  Unfortunately, there was little to choose from. *sigh* This will require Plan B, which is to utilize the Pick 5 option at a different store.  I must purchase all the meat today so I can plan out the menu. Tomorrow will involve going to a 3rd grocery store for specific items, and Friday will be the 4th, and final, grocery trip.  If I don't have all the meat purchased today, it will be impossible to know how to plan. Past experience has taught me that we will overspend in the budget if we do not plan immediately.  As all of this ran through my mind, I turned to check on Ellie.  She was chewing on the shopping cart handle. Way to go God, SCORE!  Thanks for the head's up on sanitizing!  Alyssa and I chanted our mantra, "Feel with your hands, not with your mouth" as I loaded up the few meat items I could use and went to the checkout to pay.  I'll spare you the details on the tantrum at the checkout.  Ellie versus the Tummy Yummy.  Enough said. I did, however, choose to remain calm during the tantrum.

We left to go to grocery store #2 and again, I grabbed a cart from the coral to make the entrance into the store easier.  Again, the buckle/strap was missing.  Immediately I began to feel annoyed and thought, "What is it with these stores and their shopping carts?!".  Again, God whispered to me. "Perhaps they are struggling.  Perhaps they cannot afford the expense of new carts. Just get a different cart."  I sighed, walked the girls inside and found another cart--this time with a buckle.  Immediately Ellie began to scream and do "the plank".  Parents, you know what I'm talking about.  I wrestled her feet down into the cart, pinned her into place, and buckled her up despite the protests. I did, however, get quite a few dirty looks from the cashiers. *sigh* I also chose to smile at them and whisper, "sorry about that!"  and then exited to the back of the store as quickly as possible to address the meat purchases.  

As I stood in the meat department mentally ticking off my meal options and meat options, the girls began to fight.  Ellie screamed, Alyssa tattled, both girls were out of patience and ready to go home.  I finished up as fast as I could, raced to the checkout, and chose to smile and apologize to the cashier while Ellie shouted and demanded gummy bears.

We finally arrived home.  Tick tock, tick tock.  There's still one more science lesson to finish.  I still have to plan out 15 days of a menu and search out the lowest prices in a 20 mile radius. I need to clean the house.  God whispered, "Calm down. Do what you can".  I decided to begin the menu planning right away since it was highest priority for the household, and told Alyssa she could play until it was time for science class.  

Over the next hour I scoured prices, planned out the menu while trying to accommodate my husband's preferences of not having the same meat 2 days in a row, not having the same type of meal 2 days in a row (so we cannot have ham and beans one day and Cream of Chicken Gnocchi Soup the next day. That's "soup" 2 days in a row) and tried to figure out the best options for side items.  Don't get me wrong, the husband will gladly eat whatever I serve and generally won't complain.  I know his preferences though, and make a choice daily to do my best to accommodate him.  The payoff is knowing he's enjoying what I fix, and knowing such a simple act of love makes him happy.

Upon completion of our comprehensive menu, I printed 2 copies.  Both pages were barely legible. We ran out of ink.  Not only are we unable to complete our science project, but now an unexpected expense for printer ink has hit the budget. *sigh* I threw my hands in the air and decided that I'd had enough, I was taking the rest of the afternoon off.  It was in this moment that God reminded me of my Monday prayer which was, "God, please remind me that sometimes I just can't do it all, and guide me when I need to stop. Help me learn to relax and not feel the pressure for perfection. Help me to learn to ask for help. Help me to prioritize. Help me to find what is important in life, and what is not. Help me to grow in You." 

So, for now, the house can wait. It's a mess, but I am physically and mentally exhausted. I have no energy to clean right now and want nothing more than a good night's rest, but there's still 4 more hours of responsibilities in the day before rest can come, so I'm spending it at the computer instead.   It's okay. Tomorrow is new day, full of even more opportunities to extend grace and make sound, Godly choices in how I will react to the various challenges and circumstances. Even though many things went "wrong", I feel in reality they went absolutely right.  God knew I needed to be tested, He knew what was in store for my day, and He was right there reminding me over and over to abide in Him. And really, it's all about choices.  We can choose to abide in the Lord, to have an attitude of grace, and compassion, or we can choose to have a poor attitude and live in the sin of pride, because that's really what it all boils down to.  Pride is the absence of grace. As I wrap this lengthy post up, I leave you with this morning's scripture:

"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me"

John 15:4

Lessons in God's Ways

This morning, as I was reading in my Bible about Jesus healing, I began pondering and thinking about my Ellie.  I remembered feeling God reach in the womb when I was pregnant with her, and feeling Him heal her.  I'll always believe He healed her of whatever would have caused her demise---there are so many things that come with the territory of a Turner Syndrome baby.  She beat the 99% odds of death, and it was done by the grace and blessing of God.   As I was reflecting on this, I remembered that my mantra during pregnancy was "God doesn't heal half way".   Many have asked though: If God doesn't heal half way, why does she have so many issues?  Why does she still have a heart defect? Why does she have Sensory Processing Disorder?  Why does she have a lymphatic malformation in her foot?   Why, if the Great God of Creation reached into the womb and healed, did He choose not to give her back the missing X chromosome? Why did He leave her with Turner Syndrome?  Why didn't He heal her fully?

While the answer is obvious to me, and I embraced it long ago, I feel it necessary to blog about it so that the "lack of healing" might not shake the faith of others.  I rejoice in the fact that I do have an answer; or at least one that I can understand while still here on this earth.  Not having to question the "why" is a blessing in and of itself and only serves to increase my faith.  The answer is...... He has a greater plan.  He didn't choose to "heal half way", He chose to heal according to the way He saw fit. He chose to heal some areas, but not others, because He uses her to bring glory and honor to Him. I can see His hand lovingly working through her situation on a daily basis--even in her trials.

Let me provide you with an example.  Her foot.  She has a lymphatic malformation that caused severe swelling in her toe.  For a year we searched for a doctor who could properly diagnose and treat the problem.  By January 2013 it had become life threatening from risk of gangrene and infection, and she was weeks away from a forced amputation.  The day I hit my knees and pleaded for help, is the day the Lord placed the right person, at the right time, behind a computer at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital.  Out of all the physicians we had seen, and all the phone calls we had made, this one person knew of a team who could address her issue. This stranger behind the computer had just enough knowledge to know where to direct us, and within 24 hours my phone was blowing up with doctors calling to request more information. They were eager to help and suddenly my child was the primary focus of their meetings.  The Lord answered our prayer by providing us with the help we needed at exactly the right moment in time. When I had prayerfully asked for help, I had also accepted whatever His will was.  Hours later help came. What a great and mighty God we serve! She's had 2 procedures to correct the malformation, and is now living a normal life without fear of infection.  No more antibiotics. No more steroids. She can go swimming again.  Regular baths can be given.  She can wear normal shoes!  Her quality of life, while only impacted on a minor scale previously in regards to the grand scheme of life, is now whole and complete.  I cannot wait to take her out to play in the snow this winter. It will be her first time to experience the joy of winter!

But why would God leave her with a malformation in her foot when He provided healing elsewhere?  The answer is so simple.  He chose to leave her with this condition so that others might be helped, and ultimately bring glory to Him.  You see, while the doctor's here-and everywhere for that matter since we'd consulted physicians from as far away as Italy-consider this to be a virtually unknown, rare problem it is NOT as rare as they think.  Just in my tiny little Facebook support group for TS moms there are 3 other little girls with the exact same problem. Their mothers have also been seeking assistance in the medical community, and most have been seeking for many years.  Their daughter's lives are being hindered and their situation has grown much more extreme.  Through Ellie, a door has been opened to these children for intervention and help. Some of these parents are preparing to travel to Nashville to meet with Ellie's team of doctors, and some have discovered Vascular Malformation Teams closer to home. Even more important and significant though are the friendships and bonds that have been formed with these women. It's provided an amazing opportunity to share the love of Christ with one another, and to witness to others.  Through Ellie's trial, glory is being brought to God and He is actively moving and working in each of their lives.

Some would ask why would God allow her to suffer the pain of this condition. Does that seem fair?  Well, as it turns out, He didn't allow Ellie to suffer.  Because of her Sensory Processing Disorder, she cannot feel pain to the extent that you and I feel.  In fact, the majority of the time during the days when her toe swelled--often to the point of the skin splitting open--she would matter-of-factly state "my toe hurts".  That was it.  She could only feel the pain to a small extent and a dose of Tylenol took care of any discomfort she had.  It was only towards the end of our journey that she truly began to feel pain, and that is the same time period that we found a team to help us. God did not allow her to suffer.  Her SPD ensured she remained pain free.

At this point in time, we are now on the journey to help her with the sensory issues.  Her foot has been addressed and it's time to go down a new path.  In reality, the sensory issues are very minor.  Praise God we know about it because it could be a much larger issue later without early intervention!  My heart rejoices in the help she is receiving, and most of the time she enjoys the therapy.  To her it is play time.  For me it is a blessed break, and hour "off duty" to relax while she giddily runs about the OT office playing with shaving cream painting the windows.  I know in my heart we are exactly where we are supposed to be at this moment in our lives.  It is with thanksgiving and praise we travel to the appointments.

I know there will be many out there who disagree with me.  I've already encountered a few who found it horrifying that I believe the Lord chose to leave her with "issues".  I find it difficult to imagine how they could not see it for what it is.  It is, in fact, Biblical to know that the Lord heals according to the way in which He sees fit. 

For He says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whomever I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whomever I will have compassion …”Therefore He has mercy on whom He wills … But indeed, O’ man, who are you to reply against God? Will the thing formed say to him who formed it, “Why have you made me like this?” Does not the potter have power over the clay …” (Romans 9:15-21)

God does heal.  He heals according to His will, His way, and His plans.  What we can be sure of is that it always is for our greater good, and for His glory.  He does not desire and enjoy our suffering, but He knows the end result of our trials and He knows what we need to craft us, mold us, and shape us.  Who are we to question His sovereign plan?  We are to rejoice in our trials, and to remain thankful, prayerfully obedient and praising Him through the storms.  His grace is sufficient.  

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

(2 Corinthians 12:9)

Stepping it up a notch

I haven't blogged in a couple of weeks because life simply took over.  Our schedule went from mildly chaotic to downright CRAZY!  And, I must confess, I haven't handled it as well as I would have hoped.  After two weeks of integrating all of the new therapies for my youngest, I found myself at a crossroads a few days ago.  The pressure was mounting, fears of "how am I going to manage all this?!" were growing, and panic began to set in. Our schedule now includes Monday morning with our interventionist in our home (this has been routine for over 2 years and is an easy one) Monday afternoon Occupational Therapy out of town, Wednesday lymphatic therapy out of town, Friday Feeding Therapy out of town.  In June I began teaching a Wednesday night children's class at church.  In a few weeks my Thursday evenings will be spent teaching the 5 year olds at American Heritage Girls, and in 2 weeks our Thursday coop begins at 9am. I'll be working the nursery. And, of course, there's the daily homeschool lessons, housekeeping, errands, paying of the bills, etc.  This does not include the numerous play dates (which I find very important for the girls), the Praise and Worship team band practice and Sunday commitments at church and the numerous additional doctor appointments for Ellie and scheduled meetings for myself to discuss all the extra-curricular activities I am personally involved in.  NONE of this is being shared to say, "OOH! Look at me!".  No. Quite the contrary.  It's "look at what a mess I am".  Sadly, over the past 2 weeks I've found myself racing from place to place and realizing the important things, the REALLY important things, have been overlooked. I have forgotten to feed my children. I've forgotten to feed myself!  Showers have been missed. Clothes are dirty. The house looks like a tornado ran through it. I. NEED. HELP!  So it's no wonder that I sat at my computer Saturday night, eyes teary, heart racing and felt I was going to collapse under the weight of my burdens.

 I said a quick prayer. Immediately, God stepped forward in that miraculous way He has, to show me exactly how to do what I needed to do.  In my case, He gave me a comprehensive planner for the stay at home, homeschooling mom.  Even though I am still implementing, tweeking, and filling out the information, I can already feel my stress levels decreasing.  I have been given an action plan!  

I'll share the planner information with you at a later date, once it has begun to actually be put in place.  In the meantime, this has been a great testimony to God's faithfulness.  How many times do we feel overwhelmed and try to "do it all" ourselves when all we need is to cry out to Him for unlimited help and resource?  I think we've all been there.  

^{John 14:  
13} And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.

¹⁴ If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.

Phillippians 4:
13  I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Psalm 121:
2   My help cometh from the Lord, which made Heaven and Earth.

These scriptures are oh-so-true.  All we have to do is ask and help will come!  But how many times do we remember to ask?  Be honest with yourself.  Do you really ask? Do you get down on your knees in prayer and fervently ask Him for guidance, strength and direction?  If it is His will to remove the burden He will, but sometimes He needs us to walk through the fire in order to be refined.  God only answers in 3 ways: "Yes", "No", and "Wait".  I can promise though, whatever His answer He WILL provide strength for endurance.

Yesterday as I sat in church I was astounded at the number of people grieving, weary, burdened--under attack from the enemy.  I grieved with them.  It's hard.  Life is hard.  Trials are difficult and sometimes seem endless.  Persevere mom!!!! 

All it takes to receive help is a conversation with our Lord.  He can plan your day.  He knows what you need.  He knows every moment, of every second of what you are about to encounter. Are you still persevering mom?   Lean on Christ. 

Surviving the little things

Today started off well.  I got my list of "to-do's" ready, with the most imperative at the top.  Because the youngest had therapy this morning we got a bit of a late start, but by nearly 1:00 we were home from running the errands and ready to settle down in to our day.  My mind was racing from the money spent at the grocery store.  Frugal as I tried to be, we simply have run out of too many items and overspent.  Moments after arriving home I stepped outside to gather up the mail and discovered that we have more medical bills from my youngest.  As I stepped in the house, bills in hand, the phone rang informing me that my daughter's newest medical evaluations had been completed and we should be receiving a phone call within 24 hours to set up her weekly therapies.  My mind instantly raced through the added gas expenses, the travel time required, the new specialist we meet in 3 weeks---how will I manage all these appointments? 

After fixing everyone lunch I decided to begin the household chores.  My thought was that I would at least feel better once I knocked some items out on the daily list.  My life may be surrounded in chaos, but that doesn't mean the house has to reflect that right?  As I gathered up the dishes that needed to be handwashed I realized I would run out of detergent before I could finish.  This one thing, this TINY-IN-REALITY little thing broke me.  I felt the tears well up, the chest heaving beginning, as my shoulders scrunched all the way up to my ears from the stress.  Bills. Finances. Medical appointments. House a mess. What I wanted to do was run to my bed and hide under the covers for no less than a week.  But that's not productive, and that's not reality, and it won't fix anything.  So I ran to my rocking chair where my Bible was lovingly waiting for me, along with my favorite Sarah Vaughn devotionals, and I began to read. Here was the verse ready and marked for today's reading:

James 1:4

Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

 I was quickly reminded that it is all about perseverance.  Running the race, victoriously charging towards the finish line, knowing full well that victory is in sight and celebrating and rejoicing in the Lord NO MATTER WHAT.  His grace is sufficient.  

Instead of spending the day broken and defeated, I made a conscious decision to give it to Christ, and to stand victorious over the day.  Not surprisingly, I suddenly remembered a recipe I saw many months ago for homemade dishwashing detergent.  I found the recipe quickly and verified I had all items on hand.  Even the glycerin.  BONUS, it's not even needed!  Not only will I have the much-needed liquid dish detergent without having to spend money, but I can have an adventure and a good time making it.  As I began to dig through the cabinet for my Castille bar soap (I have to make baby wipes again too so how handy is that?! I can do BOTH!) I was pleasantly surprised to find an empty dish detergent bottle in the cabinet.  Clean, dry, and just waiting to be used. This will save some time as the other bottle still has a small amount left in it and will need to be thoroughly cleaned before placing homemade detergent in it.  I have a distant memory of saving that empty bottle but had no specific plans for it at the time.  At that moment I could hear God's voice saying, "I knew you would need this, and I told you to save it."  My day went from feeling alone, abandoned, and overwhelmed to feeling loved, remembered, and prepared by the Almighty God Himself.

Find your joy in the little things persevering mom.  Just as the little things can add up and break us, the little things can also lift us up--preparing and building us.  We are being carefully and deliberately crafted by the master.  Take heart. Rejoice. Don't give up.

In the meantime, go have some fun and make some dish detergent!  Smile, laugh, and dance. Let's think of one another, and pray for one another persevering mom. I'll be thinking of, and praying for you, as I make my detergent.   HOMEMADE DISH SOAP

HERE'S THE DIRECT LINK JUST IN CASE THE HYPERLINK DOESN'T WORK     http://www.onegoodthingbyjillee.com/2012/09/how-to-make-your-own-dish-soap.html

Remembering the priorities in life

Yesterday was one of "those days".  Are you familiar with the kind of day I'm referring to?  One of "those days" where you have to remind yourself to breathe in, and breathe out.  The kind of day where you function by simply plugging one foot in front of the other and chanting, "I can do this. I can do this."   Yes, yesterday was certainly one of those days.

Today, however, is a new day.  A fresh start!  A chance to try again and hope it will be better.  I'll be honest, my brain didn't want it to start off in a positive manner.  When I opened my eyes this morning my first thought was "what day is this and are we missing a therapy?"  Panic began to set in as I referenced my memory bank, frantically searching its' catalog of days, therapies, doctors, and specialists.  Fortunately, I realized it is Friday.  We have plenty to do, but there are no appointments scheduled and no trips to the city.  Time is on our side for once today.

This doesn't mean there isn't an unbelievable amount of tasks to accomplish though.  My bathroom sink is disgusting. It desperately needs to be cleaned.  The laundry has begun to form its own mountain, and if I don't tackle it soon we'll have to name it and place a flag at the top.  Library books are due today and we must return them in person so I can explain why the protective cover has been ripped to shreds. My 7 year old thought it was covered in plastic so you could unwrap the book like a gift.  Unfortunately, this testifies to how few books we've destroyed borrowed from the library.

Dinner needs to be retrieved from the freezer and thawed, the kitchen dishes need to be washed and the floor has a layer of funk that will require at least, minimum, two thorough moppings.  I'm pretty sure I'm out of homemade laminate cleaner as well so I will have to take a moment to make some. If you're interested in the laminate cleaning recipe hop over to Nature's Nuture for the recipe! Homemade Laminate Floor Cleaner And, as any mom knows, if you clean one floor you must clean the other floors in the home, otherwise the funk from one gets tracked right to the other. Before I can vacuum the toys need to be put away, and I'm really not sure where the toybox disappeared to.  Yes.  The toybox is missing. *sigh*  I need to dust before the bunnies attack my toddler, but there's no point in dusting if I don't vacuum the intake first.  Otherwise, we'll just have more dust spitting right back out through the AC. At some point I need to make it to the grocery store as well. Somehow during my last shopping excursion I missed the fact that there are NO vegetables in the house. I have a budget of $0 left for groceries this week so this will be a challenge. I will have to be ridiculously creative in my spending since whatever I spend today, comes from next week's grocery budget.  Let's not even get into homeschool and the math and grammar that must be covered.  The day is rapidly flying by and I already feel there's more to be done than can possibly be accomplished!  I have until 6pm tonight to make it all happen.

So how do I manage? The first thing I will have to do is make a list in order of priority.  The highest priority items, such as returning the books to the library before they close, will be at the top of the list and I'll work my way backwards from there down to the least important task.  I prefer to type it on a Word document and leave it up on my desktop so I can glance at it as I go from task to task.  As I complete each task, I change the font color of the listed item.  This gives me a visual and lifts some of the burden as I see things actually being accomplished.

So, what's on your list today persevering mom?  Do you have an overwhelming volume of tasks to do?  Are you like me--behind on absolutely everything and struggling just to keep your head above water?  If so, then keep treading away momma!  Go start that list!  I'll give you a little tip--when I'm overwhelmed and cannot even decide what should be done first I pray.  Yes, I pray and ask God "should I start laundry first, or should I do the dishes?"  He will answer, and He is interested in helping with even the most mundane tasks in our lives.  In fact, He has already planned out our day for us, so who better to ask?!  

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. (6) In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.

This scripture applies to the little things as well momma.  It applies to all things, all plans, all trials, all triumphs.   So what's at the top of your list?  I've prayed and have been directed to the most important tasks for the top of my list. 

Daily Tasks:

1.  Pray

2. Spend time reading Bible

3. Pray some more

4. Enjoy children and spend time with them

 

I think that says it all.  Persevere momma.  Persevere.

Perseverance.........

Perseverance

I recently began toying with the idea of a blog.  While it is necessary to keep my internet time to a minimum, I also felt a blog would be a healing experience, another way to bring me closer to the Lord and to provide an outlet not only for myself, but for other moms as well.   I decided to list my blog under the name "Perseverance At Home".   I feel it is the most appropriate title that could possibly be given for such an endeavor because that's exactly what my life is.  Perseverance in the home.  Perseverance in raising my children to become what God would have them to be. To teach them to hear His small, still voice whether in the midst of trials, or in the midst of joy; and trials there will certainly be.  I've been going through them myself for many, many months.  Sometimes, it's good to have a reminder to persevere, and I know I cannot be the only mom out there who is struggling, so this post is for you--the discouraged mom.

Did you know there are at least 20 verses in the Bible that talk about perseverance?  Amazing!  That's a lot of "nuggets" to instill hope and faith.  My personal favorite, and the basis of this blog, is Romans 5:2-5 

"By whom we also have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us."

That, discouraged mom, is an amazing passage of scripture to commit to heart.  To glory and persevere even in the trials of the day is a difficult task for our feeble, worldly minds.   I challenge you today to find the glory and celebration available to you in the midst of your trials.  Praise God for all that is occurring, and remember that even though the situation may seem impossible to you, and perhaps more than you feel you can bear, He will not only provide you with strength to persevere, but He is also working for your good--whether you can see it or not.  Have faith, fight the good fight with patience and endurance.  Be still, and know that He is God.