Perception vs Reality

Recently I set up a date with a girlfriend to discuss homeschool. She needed some help and advice and wanted to pick my brain.  I'm always open to sharing what I know; even if it's very little. (HAHA!)  I settled myself into a booth at the restaurant and basked in the quiet moments of being out and about without the kiddos.  Once she arrived, we enjoyed a few moments of chit-chat before diving into the topics of discussion.  What she said next caused me to pause and reflect a moment. In a nutshell, she stated that she would like to be able to manage the household and homeschooling the way I do.  My initial thought was "I don't manage well at all" and the first words out of my mouth were "my house is a wreck, all the time!"  

This conversation has caused me to stop and consider her words many times over the past few days.  Not too long ago I read an article from a homeschool mom about the importance of keeping it real, and not sharing only the good stuff because it gives the new homeschool moms, and other moms in general, the idea that you are doing everything well. It sets them up to believe they are failures in their own quest to homeschool because the perception is not their reality.  I realized that through my Facebook posts and blog, I might be giving the perception that I have it all together, when in fact, I don't.  This, of course, is not intentional.  I believe that what I say, and what I post, should be positive and edifying--if it is not then I shouldn't say anything at all.  

Ephesians 4:29

 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

 

I try to stick to that. I do fail at times and I believe the world gets a glimpse of my reality, but on average, I try to remain positive at all times and make an effort to control my tongue in my daily life.  Today, however, I choose to share the negative realities in the hopes that it might actually edify someone else. My many daily failures, my fears, and my anxieties are yours to view.

I guess the best place to begin is homeschool.  Oh my, this is a scary topic for me! I don't want people to know where I struggle but if I'm being honest, that's due to my own pride.  So here we go..... Reality #1:  I do not always succeed in my homeschool.  I do, in fact, fail over and over again.  Whew! There, I said it.  I fail.  That's a terrifying concept to all homeschool parents and it's what we fear most.  When we fail, our child's education suffers, even if it's just for a brief moment in time as we scrape ourselves off the floor determined to find a solution to the struggle.  Our current struggle is in math. Alyssa can do addition like nobody's business, and can do simple subtraction as well.  Subtraction with regrouping, however, is a whole other story.  We've been working on it since May. I have taught her from our Saxon curriculum where the book tells you "say this, do this, write this" word for word to assist in the teaching process.  She didn't understand.  I've found online games reinforcing the concept, taught her from the board, drew pictures, and sang songs.  She still didn't understand.  We've watched videos and tutorials online of other teachers presenting the concept along with cartoon videos explaining the "how" and "why" of regrouping. She still didn't understand.  Her father has done board work with her, explained it to her, coached her through it and spent time working with her and she still doesn't understand.  In a homeschool parent this is cause for panic.  For 3 months she has struggled and is still not learning this basic concept.  Today we start fresh and will be using simple manipulatives, tossing the worksheets aside, and just working on the "how" and "why". I should say, "working on the 'how' and 'why' again."   I'm hoping and praying this will click and be mastered by October when we need to begin multiplication. I have a timeline for her learning and it is difficult for me to let go and deviate from it.  For now though, I have to scrape myself off the ground each morning and refresh my mind, expelling the negative thoughts about my teaching ability and reminding myself that God called me to homeschool, and therefore God will equip me.  She's simply not ready for the concept yet and needs more time.

That's just one area of "failure" in our homeschool.  It's a big one (to me) but is just one reality of daily issues.  There are, indeed, daily issues. There are days when she won't cooperate.  Days when it takes hours to complete a subject that could have been finished in 30 minutes.  Days when Alyssa is more than willing to learn and work, but cannot focus because her little sister is in the middle of a meltdown and I'm being torn in two different directions trying to balance my time between both children.  Then, of course, the biggest failure of all--realizing my children have been pleading for my attention all day while I'm consumed with distractions.  They don't want my homeschool attention, the want me--plugged in and engaged. Yesterday was one of those days.  I realized after going to bed last night that they had been begging for some quality time with me throughout the day and did not get it.  What they got was a frazzled, stressed out, anxiety fill mom who was overwhelmed by the volume of tasks ahead.  I wasn't living in the present.  I was focusing on future events that haven't even taken place yet.  Epic fail. Today I will need to do something different, and it may require easing off the "traditional" learning and just providing a day of fun interaction.  This goes against every fiber of my being because what I want to do is drill subtraction. What my child, and both children for that matter, need me to do is entirely different though. But then again, that's the joy of homeschooling. Flexibility and starting fresh daily with new lesson plans and new approaches, which brings me to the next reality.

Reality #2:  I lose my temper with my children on a daily, hourly, basis.  I raise my voice when I should be showing grace.  I get frustrated and lose my patience.  I give up too often and throw my hands up in despair. I fail as a mom over, and over, and over again.  There are days when Ellie is screaming in a rage over something trivial, and Alyssa is rebellious and argumentative, and I'm focused on issues with the bills or household chores and planning, and I simply walk out of the room and have a pity party for a few moments. Those are the days when even my own perception of my life does not fit reality.  Reality is that I am blessed.  I am blessed with the opportunity to educate my child. I am blessed to have both of my children at home with me each day. I am blessed to be a stay at home mom.  I forget though--especially on those rough days and lately they seem to be the rule rather than the exception as both girls mature developmentally and test their boundaries of independence.

Reality #3:  My house is anything but "Suzy Homemaker's" house.  It is, in fact, a mess 99% of the time.  The dining room looks as if a curriculum fair threw up in it.  The living room is scattered with land mines toys that never seem to remain in the toy boxes for more than 3 seconds.  My bathroom needs to be scrubbed, the kitchen floors are begging for a good mopping, and let's not even get started on the laundry. ACK!  I've named it "Mt. Ferrell" as it has taken on a life of its own.  When it comes to housekeeping, the only thing I seem to be good at is not getting it done.

So there you have it.  My reality vs perception.  I mess up daily in homeschool, I lose my temper and raise my voice when I should be extending grace, my house is in a continuous state of chaos, and I fail daily.   I. Am. A. Mess.

There is, however, one other reality.  Reality #4:  I start over each day because the Lord has extended me grace.  He whispers to me throughout the day, gently nudging me in the right direction and speaking to my heart about the things I need to change.  My patience with my children can be improved upon, and my reaction to their meltdowns can be better.  My fear of failing homeschool is unfounded.  The Lord called me to homeschool. He would not give me a task and then set me up for failure. We have already succeeded in our homeschool education, we just can't see it yet.  The house, well, it's not that important. The children are in a safe environment. It's clean enough to be safe and perhaps, for now, I need to lower my standards a bit.  As the kiddos get older the mess and chaos will improve and they will be able to help with more of the chores.  For now, it's really not important.  Their safety, well being, and health is all that matters when it comes to the house.

I'm sure I am not the only mom out there who fails each day.  I'm certain we all do to varying degrees!  What's important is starting fresh each morning by praying, getting into God's Word, and setting our hearts and mind on Him.  As long as we continue doing that, we will continue fighting the good fight and will eventually win the race. Persevere mom! Persevere! :)

Galations 6:9

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.